or maybe i will be a wizard...

Yesterday morning, for the first time, I visualized myself potentially having to move for residency. You see, I have this master plan of one day becoming a surgeon, a really caring and meticulous one, and I know that ultimately I will follow that ideal wherever it takes me. I started to search for programs online, typing in “so you want to be a surgeon,” and as if fate felt the need to tease me, Google auto filled my request with:

Really? Why is surgery third on this list…and is wizard still a legitimate option?

The difficulty here in part arises from the fact that husBen also has a blossoming career on the near horizon (after he passes the bar) and although I know that good love is wrought with sacrifice, I am weary to demand the first big one be made for me. Surely we knew what we were getting ourselves into when we signed up for this….

So is it merely the fear of the unknown that holds me down with a giant thumb, pinning me to the limited plan I myself have written? With a little reorientation of perspective, I know that husBen and I will land on our feet (wherever this whirlwind of effort takes us) as long we trust in the larger plan for our life that we thankfully do not govern. This will be fun…right?!

pork tenderloin

This pork is so good it makes me want to have a dinner party....

Balsamic brown sugar glazed pork tenderloin

2 pounds Pork tenderloin

2 teaspoon sage, finely chopped

2 teaspoons Salt

½ teaspoon Pepper

3 cloves garlic crushed and minced

1 cup Water

Glaze:

½ cup Brown sugar

1 tablespoon Cornstarch

¼ cup Balsamic Vinegar

2 tablespoons Soy sauce

2 tablespoons water

First make the rub for the pork tenderloin: combine sage, salt, pepper, and garlic. Rub evenly over the pork tenderloin. Pour 1 cup water into crock pot and set on low heat. Cook for 6 hours (meat thermometer should register 165 degrees).

After the pork tenderloin is cooked through, remove from crock pot and place on a foil lined pan (one with higher sides is better). Turn the broiler in your oven to high heat. In a small sauce pan, combine ingredients for glaze. Heat over medium, stirring occasionally, for 6-8 minutes until sauce thickens. Brush glaze over pork and set under the broiler for 1-2 minutes until bubbly. Remove from oven and drizzle more glaze over pork, then again set it under the broiler for 1-2 minutes until bubbly (you are trying to achieve a caramelized crust here). Repeat until you are out of glaze. Serve hot with juices from the pan!

oxheart houston

I still so vividly recall our first night in Houston as a married couple, boxes stacked high in our tiny new space, complete with hardwood floors and the peeling paint we hardly noticed. At a mere 22 years old, it almost felt like we were playing house with blissful pride in these novel roles of husband and wife. I remember the first bottle of wine we shared there—first attempting to open it with a knife because we could not fathom digging through the jungle of boxes for our corkscrew—sitting on the floor because not a stick of furniture had yet been purchased. I often look back with appreciative sigh to that idyllic summer of nesting in this great big new city.

Now here we stand, 3 years later! HusBen and I celebrated our 3^rd wedding anniversary a few weeks ago at Oxheart. I could not write a dissertation on what I learned in these past 3 years of marriage, but I know a few things that characterize at least the way this marriage succeeds:

Put God, who funds all Love, first. If truly prioritized, the correct significance of each of the other areas of our life seems to fall in place accordingly.

Out serve your lover. Our marriage has very much been a pendulum, swinging back and forth between who is taking care of who at any given moment (or month). We only get so much free time in our busy lives so we have to take those opportunities to serve hard when we have the chance (because we always, always know we will need to lean on the other soon enough).

Do fun things with your spouse (or they will do them with someone else). This pretty much summarizes the YOLO attitude we have carried this year…and how grateful I am for the memories we have built! 

Oxheart Tasting Menu

layered beets with 'meyer' lemon blossom vinegar, quinoa, and almonds

raw brassicas leaves and pickled stems, goat’s whey, chrysanthemum, and herb oils

heirloom carrots cooked with exotic spices and coconut, avocado, corianders

biscuits. enough said.

'warsaw' grouper roasted over pecan wood, spring onion escabeche, three egg sauce, caviar

tartare of smoked beef leg, kombu aspic, lime, cucumber, basil, rau ram

cauliflower

'freedom ranger' chicken: poached white meat, braised dark meat, with summer squash, soured cream, and oregano

fennel mousse with white sesame nougatine and orange 

caramelized chocolate cake with cane syrup and green tomato jam

jealous of the cable guy

Driving home post-call this morning, I mused over the happenings of the night with contented exhaustion. I cherished this moment, circa 5:30 am, knowing my next destination would be bed and feeling like I had put in a good effort in the last 24 hours.

I recalled a conversation last night wherein one of the girls on call with me mentioned that sometimes she envies the cable guy (mind you, we were hitting that wall). “He gets to be outside some of the day and visit different people’s houses. Then he gets to go home and not worry about it.” While I absolutely know that even the cable guy is not excused from life’s various stressors, I cannot say I have never wondered the same thing (I usually jump to sous chef). Are we made for any one job and destined to carry it out well? Or are we simply born with different capacities and passions and choose our jobs accordingly? For instance, would I really even be happy with a job less demanding of the whole person I was created to be?

When I finally hit the door—despite the bed calling to me—all I wanted was biscuits. Sometimes our brains just need a little immediate gratification…and sometimes, that’s okay. 

Wholesome Things (Buttermilk Biscuits)

1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour

1 cup plain cake flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

8 tablespoons (1 stick) cold butter, cut into 1/4 inch cubes

3/4 cup cold buttermilk

Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat oven to 450 degrees. 

Place flours, baking powder, baking soda, sugar, and salt in a food processor (fitted with metal blade) and process with six 1-second pulses. 

Remove the cover of the processor and distribute butter evenly over the dry ingredients. Cover and process again with twelve 1-second pulses (should resemble course meal/lumps). 

Transfer dough to a lightly floured surface and quickly form into a rough ball (do not overwork your dough). Using a sharp knife, divide the dough in quarters and then cut each quarter into thirds. Gently shape each piece into a rough ball and place on an a cookie sheet. Optional: brush biscuit tops with cream or butter. Actually, just do it.

Bake until biscuit tops are light brown, 10-12 minutes. Serve immediately with honey and butter or whatever you like!

Cooks Illustrated 

write. just write.

Sometimes I wonder what all the other people write about. Do they experience life so poignantly each day that they must write just to process it? Are others’ lives so extravagant or impoverished that they must write just to document its existence? Do some just flit about in normalcy, but have such active minds that they dissect its every significance in words? Are some able to reflect in writing, and thereby give meaning to their every quotidian moment?

I want to write about what matters, but must responsibly acknowledge that sometimes those thing only matter to me. I do not desire to divulge in writing my every woe or perception, or I fear all who read this blog would want to call me and check on me and really there would be no need. I do believe in filter—even for our own thoughts—as we can easily get carried away in emotion over this or that benign drama. I have probably already tried to work it out on pages (ones I publish to this blog and ones I do not) or in the rare conversation wherein a friend actually probes past the polite response to the southern “How are you?”.

With that said, I think we should all be writing. I think there are not enough long mornings over coffee or happy hours with friends to properly digest all that goes on in our fast moving days. I think that writing can help us be present in our very own life, when schedules and jobs and the blur of responsibilities cease to demand this of us.

I do not write so that some future generation will find my journal in a drawer and know what I ate for dinner that night. I do not write in order to discover the single one answer to any of life’s plaguing anxieties. I write because the act of writing, in itself, forces me to be cognizant of my blessings. I write because the day sometimes merits deconstruction and reconstruction and appreciation. I write because I want to remember, or maybe I want to digest and move on. I write because…why do you write?

Lasagna

...because this is wholesome and I would want to find this-- tomato juice stained and faded with age-- in some journal at my grandmother's house...

Ingredients

Sauce

3 tablespoons olive oil, divided

1 pound Italian sweet sausages, casings removed

2 ounces sliced prosciutto, chopped

2 cups chopped onions

6 garlic cloves, chopped

1 teaspoon dried oregano

½ teaspoon dried crushed red pepper

2 tablespoons tomato paste

1 28-ounce can San Marzano tomatoes in juice, drained (juice reserved), tomatoes chopped

3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil

Lasagna

12 10x2-inch lasagna noodles

1 15-ounce container whole-milk ricotta cheese

2 cups (packed) coarsely grated smoked mozzarella cheese, divided

1 large egg

Olive oil

Preparation

For sauce:

Heat 1 tablespoon oil in large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add sausage; sauté until browned, breaking up with fork, about 6 minutes. Add prosciutto; stir 1 minute. Transfer mixture to bowl.

Heat 2 tablespoons oil in same pan over medium-high heat. Add onions and next 4 ingredients. Sauté until tender, about 5 minutes. Stir in tomato paste. Add tomatoes with reserved juice, basil, and sausage mixture. Reduce heat; simmer until sauce thickens, stirring occasionally, about 15 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. DO AHEAD Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and refrigerate.

For lasagna:

Cook noodles in large pot of boiling salted water until just tender but still firm to bite. Drain. Arrange in single layer on baking sheet. Stir ricotta and 1 1/2 cups mozzarella in bowl. Season with salt and pepper; mix in egg.

Brush 13x9x2-inch glass baking dish with oil. Spread 1 cup tomato sauce evenly over bottom. Arrange 3 noodles atop sauce. Spread 3/4 cup cheese mixture thinly over noodles. Spoon 1 1/2 cups sauce over. Repeat with noodles, cheese mixture, and sauce 2 more times. Cover with 3 noodles. Sprinkle with remaining 1/2 cup mozzarella. Cover with foil. DO AHEAD Can be prepared 1 day ahead. Chill.

Preheat oven to 350°F. Bake lasagna, covered, 40 minutes. Uncover and bake until heated through, about 15 minutes longer. Let stand 10 minutes and serve

adapted only slightly from: http://www.bonappetit.com/recipes/2004/03/smoked_cheese_and_sausage_lasana