I am starting to think this medical school thing is the
hardest thing I have ever done. Well, I suppose I actually starting thinking
that Day 1 almost two years ago now, but I am feeling the severity of the
burden especially poignantly these days as the sun shining outside mocks me at
my desk. I am being hazed, although I am not sure to whom I will be systematically
bonded after this refining experience…
I never really got hazed as a Kappa pledge at Baylor; I do
vaguely recall a member once waking me in the middle of the night to fetch her a taco (from a restaurant in Austin) but I politely declined as I had an 8 am
test.
This time around, however, I cannot just say no, and this
“pledging” period is getting really demanding. I am starting to feel torn by
true opposing desires in a way that just makes me want to whine a little (until
Quimby perks up his ears, looks at me half-sympathetically, then falls back
asleep). Yes, there will always be something towards which I must fanatically striiiiiive.
It is in my nature maybe, to centralize myself around some effort. At this
point, however, I can think of about twelve other things towards which I would
rather be striving —like God, Ben, food—rather than Step 1. I am going to have
to synthesize those more appropriate passions and this necessary passion (if
one even dare call it that) in order to stay sane these next few weeks. I just
want to be a decent human.
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| fried mozzarella and prosciutto salad |
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