welllll, im not sure

I have been struggling lately with the way of things, you know, like the way the world works. Is everything that happens within God’s will (a thought which is both comforting and safe, but perplexing considering all the pains of this life) or do we just make our own decisions, both good and bad, and God is able to use them to his glory? As much as I now want to buck against the former, I used to whole-heartedly agree with it. Lately however, with all the pain I have seen close friends go through, I have to wonder: seriously God? Why do you use such dark hues if you are allegedly painting a masterpiece? Are these just the sketches upon which you will layer brighter color, the rough but necessary foundations on which you will build your blessings?  I find myself trapped by my inability to offer real fixes to people’s hurting. I can only be present and voice my [hopefully] still firm belief that God’s will works through and with their present discomforts towards the telos of something grand. I think that is how the world works maybe.